Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'm Still Here

Wow, it's been so long, over two months, since I've posted that the settings styles and options have changed.  Of course, they've made it "better" which means I have to figure out how to do the new stuff.  So glad I didn't know this when I started.  

Where have I been?  Might as well tell the truth.  I have depression, which people who know me know.  I've had a really hard time lately.  My meds failed a while back and my doctor and I have been tinkering with them and it's been pretty rough trying to find the right cocktail.  Today is finally the first day I've felt at all like myself in a long while.  Yep, there have been many, too many, bad things that have occurred in the last year and I was doing remarkably well, too well I knew, so it was no surprise when this happened.  It's very hard to feel so out of control and out of body.  

But there are good things happening too.  I figured out that, after 12 years of doing the art/shop thing, it's time for a change.  The art has saved what little sanity I have left but, obviously, it's not doing it for me any longer.  Not that I'm giving it up completely; I'm keeping my little shop and still doing art but I'm going back to college full time next week!  After 34 years.  This is good.  I need to get out of the house and out of my head.  Being 54 and having a teenager and being around only males at home and doing laundry and cooking and cleaning all of the time has been a real challenge and, of course, I need more.  What I'd love is to have a woman/girl living in our basement who would help me with the housework and be some company.  This house is way too big for us-me-the one who has the most to do here.  But we can't move within our area; we could sell our house and then buy a tiny one bedroom condo.  The market has gone up that much since we built our home 16 years ago.  16 years.  That's a long time to live somewhere you don't really like.  I've got great friends here, though, and they help me keep going.
Now I have a goal.  See the framed document on the right above?  That's one of my daddy's two diplomas he got from Texas A&M.  I want one of my own.  I want an Aggie ring.  I want to be an official Aggie after being an honorary one for my whole life.  I'm working towards my AA in sociology at the local community college.  With my previous two years of college I have about a semester's worth of credits that will transfer; that leaves me with 3 semesters.  I've already been accepted into A&M if I make a 3.0 or better.   Three classes on campus and a fourth online.  It's great to have a goal, it really is.  I haven't known my future for too long and now I can see at least a little into it.  Yay!  

So, I might no be on here for a while but I'm not giving up on this journal and journey I started on here.  I'm not going to be on facebook as much either which is good; I won't know as many bad stories as I have.  I want to help and pray for people in need but I also need to see the good in the world again.  It's not spread through mainstream enough.  

So, I'm here.  And I'll be back and, hopefully, back even better.  Until then, love to all and thanks for checking in.


Julia said...

Great decision. Good to have a future goal...but the best advice I can give you is to "stay in this day". Do today, what you need to and worry about nothing else.

And I highly recommend a boycott on housework and cooking. You have spoiled those boys/men. You are not a maid. You are a wife and a mother. They will survive. Fast food is on every corner and peanut butter is fairly easy to spread on bread. All laundry can basically be done on cold/cold and a normal setting. Do you get my point? Let them do their own laundry and cooking.

Unless, of course, you enjoy housework and cooking. :)

Your basic problem is you are way too intelligent for your own good. Going to college will be good for you.

Love you forever. J

Hope said...

Congrats on a wonderful & great decision! I am glad you are now well. Good luck on your college path...& those boys can fend for themselves for awhile!

Doojies said...

Thank you so much ladies! It hasn't turned out quite as planned but I'm still hanging in there and will get there some day.

Julia, I have no idea how it works to have them be independent but we started family counseling and she can tell them (and me) how it works! I DO NOT enjoy being a homemaker after 33 years. I did finally ask Paul the other day if I was expected to cook his meals the rest of his life. He didn't understand the question, hence, family counseling!